AMARNATH ATTACK WAS AN INSIDE JOB
Here’s how it adds up:
*New Delhi, Dec'16*
Confidential meeting between Motabhai, Chhotabhai & Ninda Mama over a cupa (yes, you guessed right) chai!
Now, don't be confused. Motabhai is elder bruh. Not fat bruh. And Chhotabhai is the younga bruh. Though he's also the fat bruh. Clear?
Otherwise, there's just 3 universal mama's in this country. Shakuni, Kattapa & hell yea, you're right again- our favorite NINDA MAMA!!
"Demonitization fail ho gaya Motabhai", weeped Chhotabhai as Ninda Mama consoled him. "Kya karein?"
"Agar '19 mei chunav haar gaye to kya karenge? Socho motabhai, socho" said a tensed Ninda Mama.
"Hmm" responded Motabhai thoughtfully. "Mama, tumko to leader of opposition bana doonga. Chhotabhai Gujarat mein wapis danga in-charge hoga. Lekin khud kya karunga?"
"Idea!", exclaimed Chhotabhai. "Aapko sabse zyada kya pasand hai Motabhai?"
"Duniya ghoomna" said Motabhai without a hitch.
"Eggjactly!"said Chhota. "Mere paas ek plan hai. Aapka.. retirement.. plan!"
Mama & Motabhai heard Chhotey's plan intently.
*lights fade out*
Ahmedabad, Feb '17
An anonymous karyakarta met an anonymous tour operator one evening at an undisclosed gaushala over a gaumutra binge.
"Kem chho bhai, yatra ki taiyaari kaisi chal rahi hai?" asked karyakarta. (Let’s just call him K)
"Booking full hai Baba ki daya se" said Tour operator (Call him TO)
“Achcha! Baba Ramdev travel business bhi karne laga?" enquired K as he swallowed another big gulp of warm gaumutra neat.
"Nahi-nahi. Mae to Barfani Baba ki baat kar raha tha" replied TO.
"Dhutt!" K sounded disappointed. "Achha sun. Ek bus ki booking aur lele."
"Bhai, kaise? Order nahi hai" said TO.
"Wo mae sambhaal loonga. Tu booking le. Bas dhyan rahe, Bus ki yatra registration mat karwana." said K. "Aur driver Muslim hona chahiye".
April '17. Transcript excerpts of telecon between Delhi & POK
P-Hamari taraf se taiyyari puri hai janaab
D-Good. Intel bhi aa gaya. Wo bhi yehi keh rahe hain
P-Lekin 4,000 yatri par 40,000 fauj de di hai janaab. Bus par attack kaise hoga?
D-Keel the bus
D-Abey! Keel laga de road pe. Bus ka tyre puncture kar. Bus baaki jaththe se door ho jayegi.
P-What an idea janaab!
Bus attacked in Anantnag. 7 killed, 32 injured. Followed by Twitter outrage.
*HM office, Delhi. Same night*
Ninda Mama holds his phone in hand. He scrolls up & down Twitter nervously.
"This HAS TO work!" he says to himself. But he still can’t find the right tweet. He searches frantically, in vain.
In a last ditch effort, Mama does a Kadi Ninda kinda tweet.
And lo.. It works! Suchi Singh Kalra takes the bait.
Mama smiles wickedly. This is what he'd been waiting for!
He quote tweets Suchi Singh Kalra and goes for the kill.
Immediately, Mama calls up ArGo. "You're next", Mama thunders the order.
"Sir!" responds his faithful commando before hanging up.
Commando ArGo releases a full article on his website calling Kalra a troll who used derogatory words against the HM of the nation!
Commando squeezes in a casual last line to mention Kalra works as "Editor at MakeMyTrip". But actually, THAT is the main point.
*Delhi,7RCR.. err... 7LKM. 00:45 hrs. Same night*
Chhotabhai reaches Motabhai with a box of Laddoos.
"Badhayi ho!" He greets Mota. "Mission kamyaab hua!"
"Ab dekhna Motabhai, kal subah tak MakeMyTrip waale usey job se nikaal denge. Phir aapki job pakki!"
“Wah Chhotabhai!” said Mota as they hugged. “Poore world mei ghoomunga mae. Ghar nahi-nahi jaunga mae.”
*Both brothers dance and rejoice as Motabhai's favorite song plays in the background*
"Tenu suit suit karda"
Disclaimer: This article is purely a work of fiction and bears no resemblance to any person living, dead, half dead or contemplating suicide (possibly after reading this).